Leap
by trunks111
Summary: TsunadeHinata. Femslash. Yuri. Hinata is fed up with life. She desires a different life than has been decided for her. Tsunade seems to understand and even want to help. Sent to a University and final being allowed some freedom. Will Tsunade help Hinata take the Leap or will Hinata be crushed beneath all that she is expected to be?
1. Leap

How can you know when enough is enough?  
When do you decide to quit?  
To give up?  
Can leaping off into nothingness really be better?  
To the unknown,  
Would that be better than what is now?  
Could you do it though?  
Or would you balk?  
At the last second, the deciding moment,  
Would you be able to?  
Or would you stop yourself?  
Or even,  
Could it be a higher power that stops you?  
Trying to tell you that it's not your time,  
That you're meant for something more,  
Death isn't your destiny today.  
But do you believe that or just think yourself a coward?  
How can you know,  
Until you take that leap?

Hinata finally dropped her pen. Her eyes full of tears as she stared at the page before her. Finally, she had written it all down.  
Everything had spilled from her pen. Her hand was cramped from so much writing in so little time.

It explained everything. It said everything she hadn't the voice to. Her pen, as usual, came alive in her hand.  
Her tears fell silently, leaving her skin darker where the tears left trails, her shirt from also bearing the marks.

It didn't matter, it wasn't like she had _friends_ or anything. She wasn't going out. She was going to sit as she did every night. In her room, alone.

Yesterday, things changed. Hiashi was sending her to the private university of Konoha. All those with money went there. It was unlikely that she would know anyone. Even less likely that they would give a shit about her either. Her reputation would be forever tainted by Neji's.  
Cold, calculating bastard, he didn't give a single fuck what people thought of him, had nothing but contempt for this younger cousin, Hinata.  
It was largely believed he should have been the heir to the Hyuga inheritance. She wanted nothing to do with Hiashi or his business.

She wanted to be a writer. Someone who inspired people. Someone who gave hope to the hopeless. The chances, though, of her becoming a writer were slim at best. Yet, it was what her heart desired. To be someone.

It didn't matter what she wanted or hoped though. Tomorrow, she would be going to the university, she would even be living on campus, suprisingly. He was allowing her some freedom. Even a purple little chevy would be hers for the duration of her time at school.

With one more sigh, she closed her notebook and replaced it into the purple messenger bag she would be using for her school things.  
Then she laid down upon her much too large bed with royal purple sheets and attempted to get some sleep before the insanely boring day she had in the morning.

Eight in the morning, she was awake, dressed, and already ate breakfast, She was waiting on Hiashi, who she would follow in the chevy to her school.  
She dreaded it but at the same time, was relieved. She would be going to school, Neji would be there, yes, but she wouldn't be subject to Hiashi's inquiries about what she did in her room all day.  
She would have classes almost every day though. And hav eto put up with the snobby rich bastards that could afford such a school.  
Not to mention, also, possibly sharing a room with someone else.  
Well, that part wasn't so bad..., hopefully...

A couple hours later, Hiashi finally turned into the campus parking lot. Hinata parked beside him and slung her messenger bag on her shoulder and took her suitcase from the trunk before following her father.

He spoke to the receptionist, who waved them through to the headmistress.  
The headmistress was quite a beautiful woman, pale skin, not as pale as Hinata's, pale blond hair, and quite large breasts, and large brown eyes.  
"Good morning," Hiashi smiled, extended his hand before he sat.

"Morning," She replied, not bothering to shake the proffered hand.

As Hiashi began to speak about why Hinata was just now coming to the school, she cut him off by saying, "Hinata is of legal age right? Eighteen?"

"W...well yes," Hiashi spluttered.

"Good. You may return home now Mr. Hyuga," She calmly dismissed him.

Quite red in the face, but dismissed, he left, anger radiating from him.

"Now that that's over," She mumbled, she leaned back in her chair, propping her feet on the desk.  
"How are you Hinata?"

"I-i'm fine Lady," she replied hesitantly, shocked that she would put her feet upon the desk.

"You may call me Tsunade," she smiled at the younger girl.

Hinata nodded, looking at her own feet instead of the knowing eyes of the older woman.

"What classes would you like to take?"

"Writing, creative writing, philosophy, psychology," Hinata listed, a small bit of excitement creeping into her voice.

"That should be arrangeable," Tsunade nodded, sitting properly and scribbling down, presumably, what Hinata just told her.

"As we are such a rather small University, you will have your own room," Tsunade told her.

Hinata smiled then, a small smile, but a smile, something that was not lost on Tsunade.

Tsunade shuffled through some papers before locating Hinata's. She held them out to the girl who stood and took them.  
"If you ever need anything, you're welcome to come ask me," Tsunade told her softly, brown eyes locked with pale lavender.

Wordlessly, Hinata nodded, her heart beginning to pound in her chest, a blush rising to heat her cheeks before she scurried from the office.  
She got pretty far before she realized she should look at the papers Tsunade had given her.

She found her schedule and room number, also, presumably, Tsunade's personal phone number.  
Hinata blushed again, and quickly walked to her room.

The walls were a leaf green, the sheets white, as was the rest of the room. Hinata quickly unpacked her meager belongings and was grateful for the desk against the wall, the window showing the grounds which consisted of a large tree, grass, and a swimming pool somewhere past the tree.

She decided to lay upon her bed rather than sit at the desk.  
As she gazed up at the ceiling she thought.

How did it happen? To go from hopeless depression, to blushing like mad and pretending as if everything were all right?  
Why did Lady Tsunade affect her so? Why had she given Hinata her number and told her if she needed anything to ask her?

What was going on?


	2. Is It Bad?

Is it bad,  
To want to see yourself bleed?  
To want to see the blood drip from a part of your body...  
Is it bad,  
To want to bleed to feel?  
To see the blood to know that you still live?  
Is it bad,  
To hurt, and simply not care because you know then,  
That you still live?  
Is it bad,  
To want to hurt so much,  
That all the other pain washes away into the sea of nothingness?  
Is it bad,  
To feel the need for the blood to flow?  
Not in your veins,  
But along your skin...  
Is it bad?

Hinata placed her pen on the desk, rereading her words.  
Her writing..., it was revealing.

If anyone else were to read it, they would think something was wrong with her.  
Is something wrong with me? She thought, then shrugged, she was a writer, if something were wrong, it would be normal, all artists have their own version of insanity.

Classes started today. In, she glanced at her phone, an hour.  
She decided to shower and dress before heading to the cafeteria for breakfast.

Not much later, she stood clad in black jeans and a black and purple The Birthday Massacre shirt, rummaging through her backpack.  
Hiashi had given her a card for food and any other necessities she would need.

She probably wasnt going to eat in the cafeteria much, and the food wasn't that spectacular.  
With another half hour to waste before classes, Hinata decided she would take a small tour of the grounds.

She put her ear buds in, blasting Broken by The Birthday Massacre, and took a walk to the lake and tree she had seen from her window.  
Eventually, she noticed the time and went to her first class, Philosophy.

The professor was a woman by the name of Kurenai Yuhi.  
They mostly spoke about their own philosophies in life.

When it came to be Hinata's turn, her cheeks heated and she began to stutter some, but finally managed to get out, "I think people should be free to live their lives as they wish to, no matter what society may think of them for society doesn't matter, only the person involved."

Kurenai nodded in understanding and then class concluded. Tomorrow would mark the real work of the course beginning.

Hinata went to her Creative Writing class next, professor was a white-haired man named Jiraiya. He had each of them share a piece of their most recent writing.  
When it came to be her turn, she chose to share Leap, the poem she had written yesterday.  
Silence met her words, Jiraiya looked thoughtful at least, the others in the class looked shocked, Sasuke Uchiha was one of them.

Her last class of the day was Psychology, her professor was a very pale skinned man named Orochimaru.  
He began class by telling them all to write a flaw they find in themself. He made them all read their flaws and he explained the probable causation to each.  
For tomorrow, they were required to have a paper about their flaw and the explanation, either confirming or rebuking it as wrong.

Hinata had said her inability to stand up people properly, shyness.  
Orochimaru attributed it to her unwillingness to disappoint.

He was correct, and she started the paper as soon as she returned to her room. She wrote that he was right, as much as she didn't want to admit it. Her whole familiy thought of her as a disappointment, a failure. She could do nothing right. Her shyness made her incapable. They branded her destined to fail.  
She wrote about how she had deemed this would not be so, she would be someone, but not the someone they wanted. It had taken nearly 18 years, but she was going to be her own person, not the one they wanted.

Her paper took her about an hour to write, it was about four by then.  
She reached into her pocket for her phone and dialed Tsunade's number. She pushed the save button before sending her a message, "Finished my work for the first day, would you like to have to dinner with me if you aren't too busy?"

What felt like an eternity later, Tsunade replied, "Id love to. Meet me in the parking lot in about a half hour"

Hinata smiled, blushing madly. She had asked the headmistress out on date! And she had said yes!  
She was still blushing quite badly by the time she was to meet her.

Tsunade was wearing blue jeans and a green shirt with the Konoha symbol on it in a paler green.  
Hinata led the way to her car, too nervous for words.

Finally, since Tsunade had yet to speak either, Hinata asked, "Hard day?"

"More like annoying. Your father kept calling my secretary today and harrassing her. She criedm the poor dear," The older woman replied with a snort.

"Oh," Hinata said in a small voice, resisting the urge to sink down into her seat.

"Let's go to Wendy's," Tsunade suggested, with a smile over at the blushing Hinata.

Hinata nodded in aknowledgement and began the drive there.

They ordered their food and ate in silence until Tsunade said, "Hinata..., I like you."

"I... I kind of figured that much," Hinata said softly, not meeting her eyes.

Tsunade leaned closer to the table, reaching across and with her thumb and forefinger, lift Hinata's chin to make her look her in the eyes. "I mean I _like _you."

Her eyes widened, her blush returning with a vengenance.  
"Wh-Why?"

"I don't know. Human attraction is complicated. I just need to know..., soon at least, if you think you might return the feeling."

"I-I think I will lady," Hinata replied, blushing, and lowering her eyes from Tsunade's.

Tsunade stood and leaned over the table, pressing her warm lips to Hinata's forehead. Hinata, of course, blushed even brighter.

"You should get back to the University," Tsunade advised.

Hinata wordlessly nodded and they threw away their trash, driving back in silence.

Her mind was whirling. The headmistress had a serious interest n her, romantically. Serious.  
She faceplanted into her bed, she couldn't believe the last hour. It simply wasn't possible.


	3. World

This world is not as it was…  
A darker place, indeed.  
When light ruled,  
Freely we lived.  
Now, under shadow,  
Many fall,  
Just another number,  
As they say,  
Tis all you are in history,  
Your name not even remembered but by a few,  
And once they fade,  
You're gone as well.  
So soon, when you mean nothing yet everything.

Hinata smiled, placing her pen down on the desk.  
Her homework from Creative Writing was finished. And, it was the weekend.

Her thoughts drifted toward the beautiful Tsunade.  
She was everything and more. Everything Hinata wished she could be, everything she could have ever wanted, simply, everything.

The only reason she had yet to inform Tsunade of her feelings was because she had only met her three days before.  
She knew what they both clearly felt, but was it simply lust? If it was just lust..., it would be pointless.

She knew her feelings would be deep for the older woman. But, she was unsure of Tsunade's.  
Then again, it was highly likely her feelings were sincere. She was headmistress of a very reputable university.

Hinata sent a text to Tsunade, "If you're not busy tonight or tomorrow night, want to go to dinner and a movie?"

After it sent, she sat and stared at her phone, wondering if she'd just made a huge mistake.  
Tsunade's response took more than an hour, so Hinata eventually got up and paced her room before deciding to go for a walk of the grounds.  
With her iPod on shuffle, she walked for what seemed an enternity, waiting for Tsunade to reply.

She was leaning against the giant tree when her phone buzzed, indicating she had a message.  
Hesitantly, she opened the message.

"How do both nights sound? :D I'll pay for one of them. What time were you thinking?"

Hinata stared at her phone, unable to believe it.  
"Sounds great. I hadnt thought of a time, I'd like to see Paranormal activity 4, if that's all right with you?"

The next reply was much faster, "That's fine. Horror movies are no fun in the day, we have to go at night! Ill drive. Dinner at 8?"

"I agree! :] Yes, Ill be ready."

Feeling as though she would burst from excitement, Hinata returned to her room. It was only five, she had nearly three hours before time to meet Tsunade.  
She knew a way to pass the time, she would write. The time would fly by, and make her feel much better.  
The purple haired girl took a seat at the desk again, laying her purple notebook upon it. She breathed a soft sigh before she began to write.

She began simply, 'It's strange isn't it? How one person can mean so much. One person, can hold your life in their hands and not know it. Or sometimes, they can know, and not care. Or even know, and cherish you as you cherish them. It's strange... Wanting them every second of every day, feeling lost without them, helpless. That one person can have such power over another is frightening, isn't it? Ah, but as the poets say, love conquers all. That includes fear, does it not? You will trust this person beyond all doubt, no matter what. If you love them and they you, you have the ability to do anything at all in the world.

On the other hand, you may love them, but they may also be the source of your fear.

What happens when both of you are broken? Who will fix you then? When the one you look to for strength, is no longer strong? What will you do?  
Simply, you must become strong, but what happens when your strength breaks? How long can you trade like that? How long until you fracture so deeply there is no healing?

A valid question isn't it? One I doubt anyone has th answer to.

When two broken people love eachother, do they become whole again? I'd like to think so.  
Together they are strong, apart, weak.  
Without one, there cannot be the other.

Are they happy that way?  
I think so.  
Will she make me happy? Truly? Will she accept my writing? Will she accept me?

It seems as though she will, but nothing is ever certain.'

Hinata paused then, her hand cramping from the writing.  
She began again a few moments later, taking on a typical way to write, 'She did approach me first though. Her initial interest is quite clear. Getting her to stay though, that could prove difficult. There had to be something she wanted, yes? I don't want to think of her that way, but it is possible she simply wants me for that... I haven't given it to anybody and it's highly likely she is well aware of that. She can't simply want that... I refuse to believe it.'

And with that, she put her pen down and closed the notebook, glancing at the clock, she had about five minutes until she was supposed to meet Tsunade.

She swore softly under her breath, quickly getting up and hurrying out of the room.

She saw Tsunade getting into a black corvette and hurried over, sliding into the seat beside her.

"Any preference on dinner?" Tsunade asked.

Hinata shook her head and Tsunade drove them to a casual grill place.

They ate without much substantial conversation for a lot of the time.  
Eventually though, Hinata worked up the courage to ask, "Why did you agree to go out with me?"

Tsunade nearly choked on her food.  
"I... Agreed because I like you."

"B...but why?"

"Because you're enchanting. You're beautiful. You're the first ever Hyuga to disobey. You're nothing at all like your cousin, Neji, you have a heart."

Hinata was stunned into silence.

"Believe me or not, I'll prove it to you, if you really do like me that is."

Hinata blushed and ate a little more before Tsunade paid and then drove them to the theater.

The movie was great, they both agreed on that, and any awkwardness was forgotten.  
Just as they were about to exit the car, Tsunade turned to the younger girl and planted a very soft, featherlight kiss upon her lips.

Hinata turned the brightest shade of red yet and all but ran back to her room, leaving Tsunade to stare after her, hoping she hadn't ust scared her off.


	4. Dare I?

Dare I?  
Dare I dream?  
Dare I try to take that chance?  
Dare I say 'yes'?  
Dare I allow that back into my life?  
Dare I call myself strong enough?  
Dare I do it?  
Dare I make this decision?  
Dare I think about all the possibilities?

Hinata was stunned. Tsunade kissed her! It was..., brief, but it was still a kiss.  
She stood with her back pressed against her dorm room door for many minutes. Remembering.

She did like her... Quite a bit. There was also the age difference... Oh Kami! Tsunade is a cougar! That particular thought made Hinata burst into giggles, crumpling upon the floor. When at last she regained her composure, she went and laid upon her bed.  
Restless, she soon got up and moved to her desk. She opened her purple notebook and grabbed a pencil. She wrote a new poem, and felt considerably better once she had written everything down.

She was still unsure. She wanted to..., but..., she simply wasn't sure. Not yet anyway. Her heart was damaged, as was her body. Her scars... Naught but faint paler lines upon her arms. But they were there, visible for any who got close enough to see. Tsunade would see them..., she'd be disgusted. Just as everyone else was by self-harmers. No matter they type of self-harm, people were disgusted by it.  
Mostly, because they couldn't understand the need to let the emotion out, sometimes, conventional means didn't work. Only a mark of the flesh would quiet the clamor.

If Tsunade did like her as she claimed..., then maybe she would not mind... She sighed, she would decide in the morning, for now, sleep.

She dreamnt, in some dreams, Tsunade held her, in others she had played the younger girl for a fool, telling her as much. Still in others, she had never met Tsunade, she was the mindless puppet her father wished her to be. And yet, still, she dreamnt of Tsunade talking to her with gentleness and caring.

When she woke the next morning, she was disappointed to not find Tsunade with her. It was then her decision was made.  
She sent a text to Tsunade asking her to meet her near the pool. She showered and set off immediately, her iPod on, Nightwish's Scaretale playing as she walked and waited for the blond to answer her phone.  
Hinata laid back on the soft still green grass, staring up at the clouds as she waited. About an hour later, her phone buzzed with Tsunade's reply. She said she would be there shortly.

She closed her eyes, Unity by Shinedown playing softly. She fell into a light dreaming, Tsunade was with her, then was on top of her, a light kiss, no demands or anything, simply a kiss, uncomplicated. She smiled, kissing the dream Tsunade back. She heard someone approach in the waking world and roused herself. Eyes opening to a bright world, with Tsunade crouching beside her.

"I take it you made a decision?"

Hinata nodded, looking into Tsunade's brown eyes. "I want to."  
A smile brightened Tsunade's features. The purple haired girl reached up, slipping her arms around Tsunade's shoulders and pulling the older woman down to her. Hinata kissed Tsunade full on the lips, not hard, but not too gentle either. Tsunade returned the kiss in the same manner, wary of pressuring the girl to go too fast.

Tsunade pulled away first, a blush heating her cheeks as Hinata grinned at her. Tsunade shook her head, getting to her feet. Hinata stood as well, looking up into brown eyes. Staring into thelight lavender of Hinata's eyes made Tsunade realize what had just happened.  
But it didn't matter, she was with Hinata now. As long as she didn't mess it up, as she usually did, this would last.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry such a short chapter, just ran out of ideas :\ Hope you like it so far though!**


	5. Cut

I feel it,  
The urge,  
It's back again.  
Stronger this time.  
Will I give in?  
Or am I strong enough now?  
I thought I was...,  
But if I am then why does this keep coming back?  
I don't know if I even want to fight it anymore...  
I want to feel it...  
But I can't...  
I shouldn't...  
I'm shaking again...  
With the need of it,  
The desire,  
I'm shaking...  
But I must remain strong...

Tears were cascading down her pale face. Her hands trembled. She was terrified.  
Tsunade knew about her scars, about her depression. Still, it was past 1am, she didn't want to bother her with this. They had been together for about three months, she didn't want to ruin anything. She loved Tsunade. She didn't want to mess it up. She couldn't.

Tsunade was her everything. She wanted to keep her forever, but she knew she couldn't. Everything was too much. Writing, making a living out of it, was nigh impossible. She couldn't take the hatred anymore, of Neji, of Hana, of her own _father_. If they ever found out about her relationship with Tsunade, everything would be gone anyway. All of it, her freedom, her phone, the school, Tsunade. She couldn't fight back anymore. She couldn't have everything stripped from her by him, not again.  
Still, she trembled.

She rose, reaching into a drawer that held her knife. A switchblade. She was walking to the bathroom, flicking the blade in and out. She stood in the cold clear light of the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror, the tip of the blade pressed into the side of her neck. She stared into her own eyes, marvelling at their clarity. She sent a three worded text to Tsunade at 1:36am.

She pressed the blade to her skin. She looked into her own eyes, her shakes gone. She pressed the blade harder, drawing it across her neck in a clean slice. Blood drizzled from the cut, she had cut the artery. Her lips smiled, her knees buckled. Her heart beat for a little bit longer.

Hinata's body wasn't discovered until two days later. Tsunade had learned she hadn't gone to class for the last two days, she also wasn't answering her phone after that message. She opened the dorm room door with the master key, with one look she swept the room, her gaze finally resting on the bathroom door which was closed, the light on.

She strode over, twisting the knob. It wasn't locked, no words were spoken. The door was pushed open.  
Brown eyes widened, tears welled. She fell to her knees just inside the door. Hinata was lying in a pool of blood, the knife had slipped from her fingers. But a smile was on her lips. Her eyes stared at nothing.

She cried, sobbing, she didn't know how long it was. At some point, she managed to call Shizune, who then called the police.

A funeral was held for her. Tsunade was the only one who cried.  
She was the last to leave, tears still crawling down her face. She stood with one hand on Hinata's coffin and spoke, "I loved you..., Why didn't you tell me?! I could have... I could have saved you! I could have tried!" Sobs over took her then, she fell to her knees.  
Eventually, she wound up at her home, alone, a blanket around her shoulders. She stared at nothing. Her love was gone...

She had failed her. She had failed again. Hinata had been more a caged bird than the others. She was pure fire where they were solid ice. And now, she was gone. At least, she would have peace... Tsunade sat, staring into space, thinking of her beautiful pale-skinned love. Her beauty had been extinguished far too soon.  
Warm tears slipped from her brown eyes, sliding down her pale face, landing upon her lap. She was _gone_.


End file.
